Sometimes While Walking

 

Sometimes while walking, I whisper your name.

You’re calling me home…sun rays and I race.

To go where one must, with wind, all the same.

hjh

Upon a locked door, left soaking in shame.

Perhaps I am lost. Is this not my place? 

Only to keep going, breathing your name.

hjh

As sounds of you, create heart and sole frame.

Once shown how to walk, no choice but keep pace.

Held by the wind, we are one in the same.

hjh

Swirling in circles, no hold to be gained.

All things of beauty kept only in space.

And some times while spinning, I hear your name.

hjh

So free and floating, some think it insane.

Once with direction, we meant to misplace.

Now taken by storm, with no one to blame.

hjh

Let’s flow with it all, forever, my flame.

Of course, back to you, these steps will retrace.

Always while walking, I call out your name.

To go where one must, with wind, all the same.

What I Gave, From India

I wish I could tell you all what I learned in India. So I might as well try. I will even share in some form of point form, for those more apt to skim the depths…

  • The value of a single smile. One afternoon while driving, approaching the Himalayas and the River Ganga, I could hardly contain my smiles. I considered briefly trying to hide these spontaneous displays of expression before quickly realizing I could not. So I closed my eyes and turned my face to the window, upon the sun. I smiled so surely for who knows how long, who cares why. That feeling of sitting within my own complete sense of joy stays with me now. It is so important that we do not dull our shine, regardless how potentially dim the environment or how much grime may accumulate upon our surfaces. We must stay bright however and whenever we can. I’d assume the world needs it and it feels really good too.

 

  • The strength and importance of Sisterhood. On a dark and early morning while driving up a mountain in a van of six or seven women, this lesson hit me deep. We were headed to Shri Kunjapuri Shakti Temple and with each passing minute, the goddesses within were awakening to the possibilities before us. I can hardly remember the specifics of what all was shared inside that van but I know the exchange was deep, so honest and pure. And as much as we all have female friends, love them, need them, sure…I want us all to understand the power generated through sincere and mutual support of the women in our lives. That morning in the van, my body was surprisingly not spinning from the winding mountain road but rather held down firmly by the love and respect of my sisters. I felt that incredible exchange of energy between the group and saw the uplifting effects upon each of us. It was beautiful and so were we. Let’s all act on this principle of truth when surrounded by our sisters. You don’t have to wait for the perfect group or setting, practice now and it will come.

 

  • When you don’t judge things, you will see a lot more. In India, I could see people on a soul level. This change of perspective allowed their full potential to rise up before my eyes, allowing them to blossom and me to receive the divine and very useful knowledge that they had for me. When we look at people with expectation or judgement, they look quite flat and disappointing and then you might not even remember anything that they told you.

 

  • Sometimes we don’t see ourselves properly either. Maybe we focus too much on our appearance or image and imagine that what is within is something to be hidden or uncertain of. But one day while walking, I was seen by some very wise and beyond beautiful beings, seen for just what I am and so, so sweetly received by them too. Since then, I can now see my self a little bit more clearly. When we begin to understand what is inside of us and start to identify with this more and more, self doubt and insecurity seem to be the silliest things of all.

 

  • How good it feels to laugh. And how much laughter becomes me, and all of us no doubt. For as seriously as I take this spiritual journey, laughter is always healing and always worth the time.

 

  • I am happiest where things grow. Whether this be a spice farm, vast tea fields, deep woods or spiritual gatherings, growing is good. My own existence is meant to and strives to mirror this; continual growth.

 

  • The power of Faith. On a most magical day and rock, my friend and I prayed side by side. A prayer guided and held by the grace of our Guru and that prayer was absolutely received. And before I could even realize what was happening, I was being granted the blessing of a lifetime. I struggle with conveying the details and am not sure that they matter, so much as I know the point; With sincere intention and faith and guidance, you can go anywhere. Even places that you are told you cannot.

 

  • Once you see your self clearly, there is nothing left to do but work to share this understanding with the others. No dramas to become involved in, no hardships with which to burden yourself. Nothing but love and learning and sharing. I learn this from my Guru; Most loving, gracious and inspiring man. He is also pretty hilarious and reminds me how to laugh along the way.

 

  • The value of support. It is priceless and the most important thing I have to offer and to hold. So if you don’t have good support in your life, find them now and fast. They’re waiting, I guarantee it.

 

When people ask me about my trip, there is so much I wish to tell them. But the words are slow to come and it is better to show them anyway, right?  I have decided to tell people it was the best month of my life, which it was, hands down. It was entirely full of love and learning and to me, that is all it is about.

 

 

Seeds Planted; A Manual for Care

Imagine your self as a seed, having been planted into this life. Of what would be the quality of your soil? Are you growing freely and wild, competing for the elements of the wilderness or stretching for sun from your pretty pot, awaiting the next watering? How deep would be your roots and solid your foundation and beliefs? And what about up above, are you wide green leafs to shelter that which is below, or short and spiky for your own endurance and survival? Perhaps you pride yourself on bright beautiful flowers, blooming briefly for the attention of passersby? Or maybe you are a vine, clinging onto whatever is strong and near..

Seeds hardly get to choose their fate, unless of course there has been some deal made with the wind, or their planter. Though most often, they fall when it is time to fight it out; Against the elements and one another. Our situations aren’t so different when you think of it. We are all living creatures, with deep desire to survive and flourish. We want to make the most of our conditions and grow just like we can.

But very different from the seed that falls, we can sometimes choose where to plant our selves and even determine what we will grow into. This requires awareness. Awareness of our own self care and the conditions which surround. Rather than let these conditions dictate our growth and health, maybe we pluck ourselves from the current spot in search of more fertile soil. Or maybe we weed the area around us, ridding anything which suffocates our potential. And if we like where we are and have something genuine to offer this space back, we must spread our roots down deep and hold ground. Some trees last a long, long time…

Now is the time for open minds to respect the intricacy of the whole living world and to see growth everywhere. It really takes all types to make up one ecosystem, one planet. So choose what you will flower into, the role that you will play.

Before You Go To Sleep

We can get used to any thing, any situation or environment. I have seen this and I have experienced it too. It is part of the human nature, to adapt. But what about when this adaptability is not serving our evolution but distracting from it? We watch the same lame shows every night, eat the same crappy food, have the same senseless arguments with loved ones and return to the same unfulfilling job each morning. This might sound extreme, of course some have it much worse but not us, we find real joy and inspiration in many things, or at least a few…right?

So why don’t we often step back to assess our situation? And if we do and are not satisfied by what we see, what stops us from creating change? By now we must have been told that we are the creators of our own lives. That we are the only ones who will truly complete and absolutely love our selves. If not, take a moment to consider this and please, let it sink in. This is the most compelling thing I have yet to learn and continue to work with. So why do we get so stuck in this pursuit of a truly worthwhile life? We can blame the outside world; the bills to pay, people to please, societal norms to live up to…And of course we have created a world so ripe with distraction that we are more than encouraged to carry out this thoughtless, lifeless ‘living’. Or maybe you care less about the world around you but lack the confidence within. There is a lot of fear on earth today. Maybe you are afraid of your own potential and what would happen should you leap towards it. Maybe we are satisfied or haunted by those few brief moments before sleep when we really wonder what it’s all about and where we are headed. And then the alarm goes and there are things to do, so the cycle continues.

This is not meant to be discouraging, but to connect us with a truth so often brushed over. To know that most all of us hunger for more than we are receiving and are simply not ready to ask for it, to go for it full on.

I spent years of my life so complacent. Seeking any and all distraction to keep myself from my self; drugs, drama, food, media, men and sleep worked sometimes too. At the same time, I always took chances and sought big changes, knowing intuitively that this life I had created could not be it. There was something great that I was intended for and that knowing would never leave.

Now, the more I work to understand my real nature, the undying self within, I am so much less afraid. I don’t mind trying things and I don’t expect so much from the material world. I am working to use this life, this place, as a type of playground or school for learning and playing. We’ll all fall and even fail but it doesn’t really matter. Those moments before sleep, no longer filled by hope and longing, can now be used for smiling.

When Learning Feels Like Leaving

Some times things end, it is like we have to say goodbye. Thinking we can keep any thing forever is not right. We cannot and should not want to. The world around us is transient and any effort to hang on to these swirling things abound will only result in a big time dizzy spell.

Know that nothing is lost. Regardless of your ability to see it, the things you have loved and cherished in purity will stick in you for always.

I am getting ready to leave India…to leave my teacher. The past month has been every thing I could not have known to hope for. In this place and company I have been so secure, received inexplicable blessings and assurances and really glimpsed love; the string to hold all truth. Going away from this feels like loss, uncertainty and some things not nice at all. But through this illusion of insecurity lies some thing so much greater. Because it is not like all I have found here, stays here. It is in me, around me, at any moment in which to be tapped into. As sure as the next thought will rise, more than the sun & moon to spin, the love and assurance I have gained here will flow through me. It will simply take a little practice to remain in it’s Grace.

I have been given the tools for such a practice and am leaving more dedicated to them than ever before. Priceless tools that originated from this magical land and were passed to me by some so inspiring I can not even pretend doubt. These tools can look from the outside like stretching and breathing initially. Opening and letting go…this is the premise, the first step to the unending inner journey. Of course we address the body first, our main access point to what is truly sought after. The body work allows the mind to sort itself, slowly sure but none can deny the importance of a mind more steady and clear. Once the mind is pure it can be used as intended, a focused channel in pursuits of the one great truth. No I have not found it yet but I see some who have and they want me there too. So I want us all there and will do my part.

It seems like I am leaving India and my teachers, my friends, but I am taking inspiration, faith, devotion and confidence and will practice it for You.