I used to imagine that being unpredictable made me seem interesting and somehow more desirable. Never mind how it made me feel inside. And now I wonder if this was the basis for all former trains of thought: How my actions might be defined by others with neglect in how they resonated with my own truth. It seems a distant memory, but is this girl so long since past?
Sometimes I desire not to ever wear my glasses again and that maybe the whole world might have blurred vision for a day. I can still tell that the snow is falling and it feels beautiful. The flavours of my lunch are warm and rich and nourishing. Like this, I can more easily turn inwards and know what actually lies ahead. Rather than being pulled by these things external, I am led from within. We were all born blind and perhaps still qualify as so, imagining the sight that is one day to come…I know on earth we all see differently, and that must be the point.
For now, in the middle of the day light, I might just close my eyes. The music is moving and I can sit for a while, by my Self.