Abandoned Temples

Today I travelled through the Sacred Valley outside of Cusco, Peru. This consists of a huge valley that was once the heartland of the Incan Empire. Here, the Sacred River flows through vast mountains and glaciers. On both end points, near villages Pisac and Ollantaytambo, the Incan ruins are unfathomable. The designs, the sheer size and obvious effort combined with the incorporation and reverence for the natural world…I mean talk about an intelligent and cooperative people. I am completely in awe of this ancient race. Yet, despite the surroundings, I could not get out of my own head for the most part. Though there was one moment looking out of the bus window, where I could feel the grass growing and rock cuts eroding all around as everything blended into one. Also, while settled into the mountainside in hiding, I knew there was no where I would have rather been; so, all was not lost.

Constantly being around people can be so draining. Knowing you are apparently alone and accepting it is one thing but attempting to integrate that being into the general masses is another. Luckily, being in the Andes is a great place to work on grounding my Self within, and I must admit, my balance postures have rarely been more steady. But today, my heart feels hollow. I miss my best friend. He would tell me to find in myself that which I fill through him. He is so annoying sometimes. That is the hard part about finding such an ideal match in another, when they fill the gaps you avoid peering into. When sometimes they take away the Self work, but then of course, really they cannot. I have not heard from him in the week since arriving and I know it is because he wants me to enjoy my trip, not to worry. While my mood has no doubt been irritatingly off since arriving, I have not honestly given him much thought, until today. I wonder if he is awake or asleep. I wonder how bad is the pain. I am curious to know if he still has the will to keep on fighting. And more than anything, I wonder if I want him to. I can be so entirely self(ish/less?) in my love. I know that my heart is not hollow, or how would it ache this way? I also know that this longing I feel is for something far greater than one earthly partner, but for the union with true Self we all so deeply crave.

The bus should arrive back to Cusco soon. Lightening is starting in the distance as the sky darkens. My insides hope for rain, for cleansing. I know back in town, a space awaits me where my mat sits in the windowed sunroom, eager to greet me in practice. Every day, I am so graciously given another chance to meet my mat, connect with my heart and know my home. Maybe it will rain all night…

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